I'm In A Place

By Chisimdi's blog - July 30, 2018

When they say check on your strong friends, I'm a huge example. The funny one, the one who always has something to say and there's no dull moment with, who makes sure everyone is fine and all things fall in line, isn't always the happy one.

For the longest time now, I've been at a place. A place where I feel like I don't know what I feel. A place I feel lost and alone. A place I no longer see the point of it all.

Being at this place came with feeling purposeless, weak and blank. It came with feeling useless, having self pity and crying at every chance.

I can't exactly say I grasp why I feel this way, I can't say I don't. It's probably because I'm not where I think I should be right now. It could also be because I've sent out a lot of job applications and there hasn't been a positive response, not even from the one I've been most hopeful about.

NYSC is frustrating and that too can be why. It could also be because I feel I've lost control of my life with so much procrastination, mental and physical laziness, self pity and a whole lot.

Sometimes I think that this place I'm in now is where people get to and they commit suicide. Because it doesn't make sense anymore, everything. Because it all seem to have stopped, and there's no further.

I've decided to fight my demons and get out of this place. To take charge of my life, work towards a purpose and be happy again. I've decided to channel all the energy to my own thing and do some of the things I've always wanted to to.

The thought makes me happy and I can say I see light, at the end of the tunnel. It's not a big beam yet, but light is light.

I'll live.

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  1. This feeling is quite mutual for me.... But then I see the light as well, and that's what counts the most.

    1. That's truly what counts dearie . I hope you are great now.

  2. I think it's a seasonal thing, it happened to me sometime last month. 🤦🤦