I like to think that I’m an adult and as such, in charge of my life and the decisions I make. Don’t we all think so? But am I? Are we? Really in charge of our lives and the way we live it?

We are under constant pressure without even knowing it; pressure to be educated, the pressure to get a job, the pressure to get married, the pressure to have kids, the pressure to train them, the pressure to be successful, the pressure to achieve our dreams, etc. Only yesterday, my sister joked that I’m not married yet because yada yada. I can’t remember for sure what she said was the reason but I threw back my head and laughed and she laughed and everybody laughed. Funny as it is however, it’s only a confirmation that soon, the marriage pressure will start coming. I’m 22. Next year I’ll be 23 and marriage probably won’t happen then. My bank balance cannot get me a good shoe (just kidding or maybe not). I don’t have a job either nor have I achieved half the things I thought I’d achieve by now. Haven’t I failed or began to fail?

Even when we achieve a thing, we do not pause, we do not rest, we aren’t truly happy, we are on to the road to achieving the next thing. We do not pause; there is no stopping. You have a husband now, then it’s time to make babies. You have babies, then it’s time to work hard to take care of them. You work hard and you can take of them, then it’s time to work even harder to take more care of them. No stopping. Of course, all these are valid, but for how long?

Or you finally finish NYSC and get your dream job but then, you need to work harder to get promoted. Because you are focused on being promoted, the euphoria of even landing your dream job in the first place doesn't even last. You see, even at your dream job, you aren’t happy yet. You keep going. We all keep going. But for how much longer? To where are we going?

At some point last year, I was depressed. I share this to everyone who care to listen, at every chance I get. I felt purposeless and like I’d achieved nothing. It really got to me. Everything I thought I’d be, I wasn’t. Everything I thought I'd do, I hadn't. I cried at every chance and was almost suicidal. I did forget that even though I wasn't where I expected I'd be, I’m very far from where I started. I forgot that there was a point in my life I'd give anything to be where I am now. Now that I’m here, because it’s the order that we never rest, that we keep moving and keep wanting more, I do not even appreciate it.

Gabbey, my elder brother is a fashion designer. From Monday to Friday he works and sometimes on Saturday. He shuffles between getting client orders, going to buy suitable fabrics, giving to the tailors and telling them what to do and finally delivering to the clients and in time. This here is a lot of work. He is always on the move. Even when he launches a new clothing line, gets a fancier packaging for his delivery or releases his hoodie that he has always dreamt to, man doesn’t stop. He’s off to the next.

Sometime last month, he broke down. He had a severe cough. He had a couple of scary episodes where he'd wake in the night, have a coughing feat and then his airways clamps shut and he can’t take air in. He wrote, ‘For two minutes or more the world literarily stops for me and those are the scariest moments of my entire life. What if they shut and don’t open again?’


What if you sleep and don't want up? Or go out and don't come back?

I don't intend to scare you but to give you a good enough dose of motivation that'd last you the whole 2019. Apart from the fact that life is short like knicker (in Olamide's voice) and we can lose it at any point, you can not truly live and enjoy life's essence if you are moving so fast. I don’t know any marathon runner that appreciates how beautiful the field is while running or even knows that the field is beautiful in the first place. They only have their eyes on the finish line.

The point my dear is, slow down. Enjoy your pace. Enjoy life at the point you are. There was a time you’d give anything to be at the place you are at now. The place you hope to be, you’ll be there someday (or maybe not) and the place you are right now, you’ll leave someday. Why not make the best of it while you are there? Live in the moment. Don't be in such a hurry anymore. That's so 2018. Been there done that, we are a year bigger than that! This is 2019. I don't do new year resolutions but for this one, I've decided to embrace and enjoy the phase I am in right at any point while I work towards getting to the next phase.

Now I’m serving my fatherland land (google NYSC in Nigeria), I’ve decided to live in the NYSC moment and stop counting down to the end so I’d start looking for a job. When I’m done and finally get a job, I’ll live in the job moment. I’ve decided to take it all a step at a time, there’s no better way to live. When I and a great man find ourselves and we decide to make a family, I’ll live in that moment too.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Most of the things you are worried about, you have no control over. Cut you some slack. Stop and count your blessings. A step at a time, there is only so much you can do. If anything happens to you, the world will still be spherical. We will all still be Africans. Nothing really changes and even if it does, it’s only for a while. What’s the point then?