Here Are Things Valentine's Day Is Not. Do Not Ruin Your Relationship!

It’s about time; the day the streets are flooded in red and white outfits and you can barely find a free table in restaurants. You can almost not find a free room in hotels too and when you do, it’s double the price because lovers and Valentine’s Day are just like Nigerian politicians and false manifesto; inseparable. Ugh! Don’t miss the point, I totally love love (though I doubt it loves me as much) but I just don’t get what the Valentine hype is all about. Why just 14th February when you can be all lovey-dovey every day and every month, all year round? 

Well, I’ve never spent Valentine’s Day with a lover so what do I know? The point isn’t that Valentine’s day is useless. It’s beautiful that just as we have days to celebrate other things, we have a day out of the whole year to celebrate love. It should even be more. 

Problem is, there are people who miss the point. Sometimes, how the day is spent and what one lover does for the other determines the fate of the relationship! Even though I don’t mind being caught up in all the frenzy and being treated specially on that day, I won’t kill myself or sulk up in bed or begin to think my lover is not good enough if it doesn’t happen. 

Here are popular misconceptions about Valentine's Day that could have ruined your relationship if you weren’t reading this;

Spending Valentine’s Day with you means they are in love with you 

Spending Valentine’s Day with you doesn’t mean they love you. It doesn’t even mean they like you. Sometimes, it means nothing. For some, they are merely having fun, following trends and trying not to be left out while you might, on the other hand, be making plans to change your surname name on official documents to his and trying to decide which day is better to take them to see your parents.

Being showered with gifts, attention and what you may come to conclude as love might not be love! Do not get it twisted. Don't think the way someone treats you for just a day determines what they feel for you.

Not spending Valentine’s Day means they are not in love with you

Your partner not taking the day as serious as you want them to, on the other hand, does not mean they do not love you. It probably isn’t their thing, they might not be available, they may be broke, or whatever but do not use their action for just a day as the yardstick of their love. 

What happens on Valentine’s Day doesn’t really prove anything but what happens every day. Anyone can put up an act for just a day. If the day is what you expected it to be, awesome! If not, there is 15 February, 16 February, March, April, September, December, and infact 364 and sometimes 365 other days to do whatever with your lover. Every day can be just as special as you both make it. 

It has to be about lavish gifts and treat

Gifts and lavish treatment are exciting and cool. Everybody likes them. I for one hate asking people for things so when it comes unasked for and unexpected, I can barely keep my calm. As beautiful as that is, it’s not just what Valentine is all about in a relationship. It can be spent having a heart to heart conversation with them, or some other thing that'd help you both bond more. Don’t let social media define your expectations for your relationship!

If gifts and treats come, great, if they don’t, no biggie.

It has to be with just your lover

It’s Lovers day yea? I love my mum and dad and siblings and friends and so many people. There is enough love to go round and round and round. If I had a dog, I’d love it too or so I think. It’s not written anywhere that I have to find a lover to spend Valentine's Day with and if not, it can't be all or any of the other people in my life. 

If you have a lover to spend it with and they are available and willing, by all means, knock yourself out but if you don’t, do not kill yourself and die. Valentine’s Day can be spent with anyone, anywhere.

All these said, do have a blast on Valentine's Day and every day after that. I do not have plans for Valentine's Day and I’ve not eaten pizza in years. Noooo I’m not insinuating anything but you’d wake up more beautiful tomorrow if you read in-between the lines. 

2019 Motivation: Take A Break, The World Can Wait

I like to think that I’m an adult and as such, in charge of my life and the decisions I make. Don’t we all think so? But am I? Are we? Really in charge of our lives and the way we live it?

We are under constant pressure without even knowing it; pressure to be educated, the pressure to get a job, the pressure to get married, the pressure to have kids, the pressure to train them, the pressure to be successful, the pressure to achieve our dreams, etc. Only yesterday, my sister joked that I’m not married yet because yada yada. I can’t remember for sure what she said was the reason but I threw back my head and laughed and she laughed and everybody laughed. Funny as it is however, it’s only a confirmation that soon, the marriage pressure will start coming. I’m 22. Next year I’ll be 23 and marriage probably won’t happen then. My bank balance cannot get me a good shoe (just kidding or maybe not). I don’t have a job either nor have I achieved half the things I thought I’d achieve by now. Haven’t I failed or began to fail?

Even when we achieve a thing, we do not pause, we do not rest, we aren’t truly happy, we are on to the road to achieving the next thing. We do not pause; there is no stopping. You have a husband now, then it’s time to make babies. You have babies, then it’s time to work hard to take care of them. You work hard and you can take of them, then it’s time to work even harder to take more care of them. No stopping. Of course, all these are valid, but for how long?

Or you finally finish NYSC and get your dream job but then, you need to work harder to get promoted. Because you are focused on being promoted, the euphoria of even landing your dream job in the first place doesn't even last. You see, even at your dream job, you aren’t happy yet. You keep going. We all keep going. But for how much longer? To where are we going?

At some point last year, I was depressed. I share this to everyone who care to listen, at every chance I get. I felt purposeless and like I’d achieved nothing. It really got to me. Everything I thought I’d be, I wasn’t. Everything I thought I'd do, I hadn't. I cried at every chance and was almost suicidal. I did forget that even though I wasn't where I expected I'd be, I’m very far from where I started. I forgot that there was a point in my life I'd give anything to be where I am now. Now that I’m here, because it’s the order that we never rest, that we keep moving and keep wanting more, I do not even appreciate it.

Gabbey, my elder brother is a fashion designer. From Monday to Friday he works and sometimes on Saturday. He shuffles between getting client orders, going to buy suitable fabrics, giving to the tailors and telling them what to do and finally delivering to the clients and in time. This here is a lot of work. He is always on the move. Even when he launches a new clothing line, gets a fancier packaging for his delivery or releases his hoodie that he has always dreamt to, man doesn’t stop. He’s off to the next.

Sometime last month, he broke down. He had a severe cough. He had a couple of scary episodes where he'd wake in the night, have a coughing feat and then his airways clamps shut and he can’t take air in. He wrote, ‘For two minutes or more the world literarily stops for me and those are the scariest moments of my entire life. What if they shut and don’t open again?’

What if you sleep and don't want up? Or go out and don't come back?

I don't intend to scare you but to give you a good enough dose of motivation that'd last you the whole 2019. Apart from the fact that life is short like knicker (in Olamide's voice) and we can lose it at any point, you can not truly live and enjoy life's essence if you are moving so fast. I don’t know any marathon runner that appreciates how beautiful the field is while running or even knows that the field is beautiful in the first place. They only have their eyes on the finish line.

The point my dear is, slow down. Enjoy your pace. Enjoy life at the point you are. There was a time you’d give anything to be at the place you are at now. The place you hope to be, you’ll be there someday (or maybe not) and the place you are right now, you’ll leave someday. Why not make the best of it while you are there? Live in the moment. Don't be in such a hurry anymore. That's so 2018. Been there done that, we are a year bigger than that! This is 2019. I don't do new year resolutions but for this one, I've decided to embrace and enjoy the phase I am in right at any point while I work towards getting to the next phase.

Now I’m serving my fatherland land (google NYSC in Nigeria), I’ve decided to live in the NYSC moment and stop counting down to the end so I’d start looking for a job. When I’m done and finally get a job, I’ll live in the job moment. I’ve decided to take it all a step at a time, there’s no better way to live. When I and a great man find ourselves and we decide to make a family, I’ll live in that moment too.

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Most of the things you are worried about, you have no control over. Cut you some slack. Stop and count your blessings. A step at a time, there is only so much you can do. If anything happens to you, the world will still be spherical. We will all still be Africans. Nothing really changes and even if it does, it’s only for a while. What’s the point then?

Take a break, my dear, the world can and will wait.

#TheMenAndI: The New Guy At Work

I’m a sucker for good-looking men. If you as much as know my name, you should know this. I mean, what’s there not to love? The beards? The muscles? How feminine their masculinity makes me feel? What exactly?

So, you see, immediately he walked into my workplace, I was hooked. Damn! Man was hot. It wasn’t until later, after I had concluded he was my next boyfriend, that I found out his name was Jeff and he had just changed his place of primary assignment (NYSC terms. It translates to his workplace) to mine. We were now colleagues. What did a girl do to deserve such luck?!

He was tall, fair, full (not skinny), had beautiful full hair and was generally soft, a baby boy for life. He is one of those people that you see and know they are living a good life. I immediately knew what time it was without even checking my wristwatch; stalking time! I went through the attendance register and it wasn’t hard to find the new addition – Jeffery Jose. Fresh boy with a fresh ID. I quickly searched it on Facebook and there he was, sitting in a plane staring at the camera all cute and soft, my baby boy.

He looked nothing like the beautiful married man who raised my hopes high and got me thinking he was my husband  when he only wanted someone to knack. This one looked all single and ready to be my next boyfriend. I went through his timeline and saw he didn’t have a lot of  engagement. Just great! Who has strength to be dragging man with all these girls that have no joy? In a few hours, I got a notification that he had accepted my friend request. I wasn’t surprised. He can’t be getting lots of friend requests and even if he can, he can’t be getting any from a beautiful skinny girl. Proud much?

Yours truly 

I waited a few days for him to message me, no show. By then, I had all his statuses and response to comments by heart and knew what time he’ll probably be online and what time he won’t. Tired of waiting, I decided to message him one evening. There’s something romantic about the quiet and darkness the evening brings. I poured water in it and slid into his DM so the sliding would be smooth. We got talking and soon, I told him who I was. Man said I looked naïve. That didn’t deter me. We all get our ego bruised once in a while, right?

One day, I woke up to a message from him asking for my Whatsapp number. I almost had an orgasm. How does one type numbers in capital letters?

Facebook to Whatsapp, our relationship grew. I was sure he’d ask me out in no time. We hadn’t seen since the first day he walked into my workplace and I decided he was my next boyfriend so my only fear was that he was going to ask me out online. Who asks a girl out online? Who?!

Our chats weren’t so frequent. Not half as frequent as I wanted. I wanted the first message I see every morning and last I see every night kind of thing but if wishes were horses. I didn’t want to throw myself at him so I decided to move at his pace. Something else that made me slow down was that I didn’t just initiate all the conversations, he barely made an effort to keep them going. For one, he replies my ‘How are you’s with just ‘I’m fine’. What happened to ‘and you?’

That was when I began to fear he might not be my next boyfriend after all and he probably wasn’t ever going to ask me out. I didn’t stop hoping though. Nothing good comes easy anyway. Then, I made the, ‘How to give a mind-blowing blowjob’ post and shared it on my Facebook wall. He reacted and said I didn’t look like someone who knew those kind of things. As I was still trying to decide if that was a good or bad thing, he dropped the bombshell. He said he’d send the link to his girlfriend. He’s sure she’ll learn a thing or two. Over and out. The end.

At that point, I knew the end had come. They say there is someone out there for everyone but I hope I don't have to become one of those people who wed themselves before he shows up. 😔 


Christmas, Chicken Head And Lost Love

Christmas means merriment and celebration and happiness. I have no problem with it. I mean why not? It means happy and everything that means happy is good, right?

It’s Christmas today and even if you are not happy, you are pretending to be. I’m not happy. I’m not pretending to be happy and no, I’m not even sad. How? Allow me to tell you a story. Well, only if you want to hear it. You may only want to think happy thoughts on Christmas and I don’t want to come between that.

Tayo hates me and the feeling is mutual. I hate Tayo. We know this and respect it. It has nothing to do with the times he sees me with men, calls me a whore and beats me to a pulp. It wasn’t because he did things to me and denied them in family meetings, in my presence. It doesn’t even have anything to do with him fighting me for not feeling ready to have a child. It has nothing to do with any of that. These happen so often it has become a part of our lives. Our hatred for ourselves doesn't come from any of that.

I met him in my first year at the university. He was the course rep of the final year class and it was he I asked if that was the computer science department. It was one of those love at first sight kind of thing. Even though lanky and lanky wasn’t my thing, Tayo made quite an impression. He was tall, dark and had a beautiful face. It was one of those faces that didn’t fully leave the childish form and didn’t fully embrace the adult form either. It was youthful and innocent. His voice, the one I heard that day, was sweet. It could only belong to someone who can do no wrong.

Why did I say the voice I heard that day? You see, Tayo is one of those people who know how to be on their best behavior at the right time, the first impression for instance. He put up the act and that completely got me. On every other day, his voice is husky and dry but of course, I didn’t know that then. The story told from his angle; when the fair, beautiful girl walked towards him coyly and asked if she was in the right place, he knew his future depended not on the answer he’ll give but on how he’ll give it.

We started dating shortly after that. We had a lot in common and thought alike. You won’t be shocked to know he was my first. Isn’t that how these stories go? It happened in the dormitory. I don’t know what he told them but his roommates quickly gave reasons to be elsewhere as soon as I walked in. We were only too eager to accept. It happened on the top bunk of a double bunk bed. Up till now, I don’t know why we chose to do it up there. Farther away from the world perhaps. It has  uncomfortable, painful and awkward.

Soon we became inseparable. The love wouldn’t stop ‘shacking’ us. Not even after our first year together. It felt like we only just began dating. We could not get enough of each other. I did notice that he had anger issues. He would bang his fist on the table when we had arguments, breaking the plates in an eatery twice. He’d create a scene if he as much as saw me acknowledging the smile of another male. It was nothing right? We all have flaws. I wasn’t even such a great cook myself and I was very clumsy and careless. He was putting up with all that too without complaining. Isn’t that what love is all about? The prep talk I gave myself did it. We got married 4 years later.

With marriage came a different aspect of our love that was totally new to me, to us. The love stopped ‘shacking’ us at this point. We became too comfortable with ourselves and took a lot of things for granted. We no longer had time for frivolities or the silly display of affection. It felt like business. If you don’t act right, your pay will be cut. We began to notice the little faults and get irritated by it. I cannot walk barefooted no matter how neat the place is. I wear my flip flops everywhere. This gravelly irritated Tayo. He made love to me with so much reckless abandon like I am his whore. Even though I used to, I didn’t like that anymore. I am his wife now. He did things sometimes that made me feel like flogging him like a baby. I’m sure he also felt the same way about me sometimes.
I don’t know what it was that got us; that we expected that marriage was some fairy tale but were disappointed when everything remained the same, that we have ourselves now so we stopped making efforts, that there were now lots of responsibilities, that we can’t deal with who we truly are. I don’t know what it was but something got us. We spent less time and rarely did anything together. We were only just bearing ourselves. There was an unspoken problem. We both knew it.

Once, he heard me talking on the phone with a colleague and picked a fight. It ended with him calling me and whore and slapping me twice across the face. That night, I went to my room and packed my things but halfway through it I stopped, where would I go? I cried myself to sleep instead. That would be the beginning of such fights; Tayo getting jealous because I looked at a man and beating me to a pulp, severally in public. When it just started, I’d have my brother call a meeting between his family and mine and he’d look me in the eye and deny everything.

Soon, the child issue came up. It was the third year of our marriage. Why wasn’t I pregnant? Tayo wanted a child badly. I wanted one too but not in that kind of environment so I stalled and he steamed. We didn’t hate ourselves then. We only tolerated ourselves. The turning point happened on Christmas day, that same year I think.

I had just finished cooking the Christmas rice and stew and since we hadn’t had anything to eat all day, I served the meal immediately I was done. We had long stopped eating together. I served Tobi a mighty plate with the fat chicken drumsticks, just as he likes it. Iya Deolu, our neighbor, I also dished a generous portion of food for and for myself, I kept a small plate of rice with the chicken wings and of course the head. Chicken heads were the death of me, anybody who knows my name knows this. When I was younger, nobody dared drag it with me. Not even my father. My love for it is like a copied assignment, as they say, I can’t explain it!

When I came back from giving Iya Deolu the food and exchanging pleasantries, I couldn’t find my food. Tobi’s was untouched. Did I forget to serve my own meal? The search continued for about 5 minutes and when I saw it was leading nowhere, I decided to ask him. I met Tobi eating chicken wings from my already empty plate. I almost had a heart attack. Almost? I think I had a mini heart attack. I grabbed him by the collar and shook him like a mad woman. Where is the head?! The more he kept silent as if to understand what was going on, the more enraged I was. Where is the head? Where is the chicken head? I went on and on and on. Not much damage was done. Let’s say clothes were torn, teeth clung tightly to flesh and it took Iya Deolu hearing my scream and coming to the rescue to separate us. He has the marks up till date.
Tayo hates me now and the feeling is mutual. I hate Tayo. Anyone who can eat your chicken head is capable of murder.


5 Reasons Why Linda Ikeji Is The Butt Of Jokes After Explaining Her Pregnancy

Yesterday, Nigerian blogger and media entrepreneur, Linda Ikeji took to Instagram to share pictures of her son Jayce, the first set to hit the internet ever since he was born three months ago. 

Accompanied with the picture was a caption revealing the identity of her baby daddy, the speculated Sholaye Jeremi; a Nigerian billionaire businessman who is rumored to be married. 

The 37-year-old also made a post on her blog explaining her relationship with her baby daddy and the situation surrounding her pregnancy. She added that ‘he and I are a completely closed chapter’.

Well, ever since her revelation, Nigerian social media users especially Twitter users have been having a field day making a jest of her and accusing her of everything but the death of Jesus. Some have called her proud, some have said she’s a hypocrite and there are those of the opinion that, life has caught up with her as according to them, she bashed baby mamas in the past.

The media girl wrote in the post that ‘she fell pregnant’ supposedly in a bid to justify taking in out of wedlock and another set of trolling is coming from that angle. A condom brand has even wittingly picked the line from her post and made an advert out of it. 

Here are five reasons the blogger became a joke because of the post;

Explaining in the first instance and doing it wrongly 

I’m a firm believer of not judging so you won’t be judged. I also believe that if you do not affect me directly, I owe you no explanation about my life or how I choose to live it. The reason why my hair is currently dyed and half the time, there is one thing or the other going on with my look and I do not care about what anyone thinks. Well, unless you are my parents or my employer whose opinion I ignore sometimes. 

This is why it came as a surprise to me that a grown ass successful woman like Linda Ikeji will attempt to explain and justify her reasons for getting pregnant out of wedlock. It is what it is girl, you’ve been having sex with someone you aren’t married to and you have a baby to show for it. What’s the point of trying to paint it white when there’s no need to even paint it at all?

Linda told the story trying to appeal to our emotions, to get us to understand, to get us to stop judging and perhaps to get us to forgive. What kind of major crap is that? It’s a no for me when people make decisions for their lives and begin to explain why they did it, especially when they are playing smart with the explanation. If it’s for the secondary school girls that you are explaining as you say, by all means, read it to them in the school assembly, or better still, attach it to their end of year newsletter! It’s none of our business as long as it doesn’t affect us directly. Her explanation does not even change what anyone thinks about her! If anything, it has made people think worse about her and given them more reasons to judge. Most of the people she wants to be in their good books are worse than she is! I'm not saying she's bad, I'm only saying, 'don't give people such power over you.'

This is why they are making a fool of her. There was no point explaining especially as it came out as a slimy attempt to buy approval. 

She ‘fell’ pregnant

C’mon now what does it even mean to fall pregnant. Was it a typo? Was it for lack of better words? Was it because her emotions were so deep and different she decided to use words that haven’t been used before to capture it? Or was it because it was such a slippery day, she slipped and fell into the pregnancy? I mean, how do you ‘fall’ pregnant? Just how? This is what the average person is thinking about that.

She wrote, ‘Then I fell pregnant. It wasn’t planned, it just happened; though we talked about having a child together before I fell pregnant...’ Her repetition shows it wasn’t a typo. 

Even though it's grammatically correct to say one fell pregnant, in this case, it appears she’s trying to say it just happened, it wasn’t her intention, it was slippery, she fell, her case is not as bad as those who didn’t slip and fall, those who did it intentionally. Or could she mean something else? I’d never know but this is one of the major reasons why the people of social media have gotten a new comic line, at least for the next couple of months

What she stands for

Linda Ikeji is a blogger, the most successful in Nigeria and to be so successful, you have to get it right and to get it right you have to speak the truth. You have to touch areas that other blogger are so afraid to touch because there is a long queue of ass they have to kiss.

She knows her onion when it comes to journalism and that includes offending some people by writing about them in a not so good light (because you have to give your audience the truth or the closest thing to it) and also offending those who do not understand that as a journalist, that is what her job is. That is how you remain at the top. Writing without fear or favor even about those that are up above the cloud so high.

In Linda’s bid to make a living, she has written about a lot of people and baby mamas were not left out. She has offended one too many people (which is inevitable because of her job) and of course, the internet never forgets. Now that she is in those same shoes, the vultures are only too ready to devour. She’s been in every body’s business well except mine (I still never blow after all these years because, village people) and everyone is only too ready to make a joke of her situation. She's been accused of shaming baby mamas and now she's one, they've come for her. 

Linda has also in the past preached modesty, young girls not giving themselves to men. She has attempted without success to explain her stance on this after she got pregnant. According to her, she never asked young girls to be celibate but only said they shouldn’t have multiple sexual partners and sleep with men for money. This damage control step hasn’t really controlled any damage. People still accuse her of preaching celibacy, deceiving young girls and being a hypocrite and they aren’t about to forgive.

They are some of the leaders of the pack making a joke of her.

Playing the victim

Most of what Linda was saying in the post is she hasn’t been having sex for years before she met her baby daddy and doesn’t have sex casually, he acted like he was going to marry her but he ended up not coming through, he’s the reason the affair didn’t work, she fell pregnant, he didn't support her most of her pregnancy stage, she’s a decent girl, people have accused her of what she didn’t say concerning the celibacy thingy, she tried to make things work (spends two whole hours in traffic when visiting him) etcetera. 

Every paragraph, every sentence she played the victim. She did no wrong, all the wrong was done to her. She needs to be pitied, she needs us to see all she had to go through, she needs us to understand and take her back. 

Even though she could be saying the truth, why do most women always do this, play the victim? Well, Nigerians didn’t buy this and that’s why they are making a joke of her.

Nigerians aren’t particularly in love with women who are successful and unmarried 

Let’s face it, it’s not our thing in Nigeria (and Africa generally) to applaud women who we think are of age to marry and are still not. It has to be a fault of hers for not reaching this necessary ‘success’ every woman should. She’s either has a bad character, or she has become too independent for the men to have any real interest in her, or she has wasted her time till she is now too old or even because she sleeps around. It has to be her fault. The society frowns at women who aren't married especially when it seems like they won't be bothered about marriage. Without a man who has agreed to do you the honor of giving you his surname and have you bound by marriage, you have achieved nothing, culture says. 

This is the narrative and anyone who dares to break it is not accepted, a rebel. Linda is single and mega-successful and a lot of people hate her for this. For some women, how dare she do what they are too afraid to even dream of? For the men, how can she be so above them, how dare she shatter their ego? For the society, how dare she attempt to change the narrative, be so successful without a man?

Because of this, Linda is not a favorite of many and it’s a not shock that anything that puts her in a bad light is welcome with open hands and ridicule.

I'd love to read your thoughts about this in the comment section!


3 Reasons Why 2018 Is Almost Over And You Are Still Single

18 days to the end of 2018 and I’ve still not gotten hitched. If anything, I’m even more single now than I was last year. Was my ‘amen’ not loud enough when the pastor boldly declared, ‘2018 is your year’ during the crossover service last year? Were the meals I made for the men too salty? Was I not giving them enough attention? I hear men love flesh but I have enough bones to go round. Could this be the reason? Wait a sec, or was it the low hair?

If a lot of thoughts are running through your head and you are wondering why, just like last year, and the previous years, you still don't have a ring on your finger and 2018 is almost over, this post, my dear, is for you. I assure you that your amen during the crossover service, the number of weddings you attended, the number of boring clothes you wore to look like a wife material, the time you spent in church and marriage seminars and all other things you've been doing to get married aren't really what matter.

Right below are the three major reasons why even though you think you are doing everything right, the year is almost over and you still no show. Most probably, the special someone isn’t even in sight and you don’t even care about special any longer, all you need now is someone.

This may be a boring read, I must warn you, but it's one of my most educative. After you find out why, I'm hoping you'll be able to stop doing all the wrong things and finally get it right. Enough of the prep talk, let's get you married! Amen?

You Are Not Enough

When it comes to finally settling down with 'the one', a lot us work on everything but the one important thing; ourselves. We leave the substance and joyously pursue the shadow and this comes off as shooting ourselves in the leg 
It is not enough my darling, to go out of your way to make the person you are in a relationship with happy in order to convince them that you are the one. It's not enough to pray for 5 hours every night, fast and be involved in every church activity including deliverance sessions. It’s not even enough to make your social media profile and pictures very inviting and be in every social gathering looking all prim and proper. There's something ‘more enough’ than all these and every other thing you have been doing to get married; you.

Are you enough?
You want to get married to someone. Would someone want to get married to you? You want to get married to a beautiful woman who's educated, focused, can keep a home and has big dreams. Are you the kind of person a woman who's educated, focused, can keep and home and has big dreams would want to get married to?

We endlessly talk about how we deserve the best and nothing less. It’s important to be very positive and optimistic but it’s even more important to prepare yourself for the best so the best too can recognize and desire you. My mother would always say, ‘if you want to fly with the eagle, do not crawl with the chicken.’

The truth is, they won’t get married to you if they don’t think you are a catch. If they have doubts about you being in the same level with them or even higher, they will be reluctant to give you their surname or take yours. Just like you, everyone is very open to being with someone they think they do not deserve; friendship, relationship or whatever ship and especially marriage. If they think for a second that you are below their standard, they will keep dragging their feet about you.

They will keep giving you reasons; they aren’t ready, their parents don’t like your tribe, you sleep with both eyes closed instead of one, one of your legs is longer than the other, you don’t see in the dark, etc. If you are someone they think they don’t deserve, someone who is a catch, all these excuses would be thrown to the wind. Ever wondered why people leave a 7-year-old relationship and get married to the person they’ve only known for 6 months?

So off you go my dear, learn new things, get a job, become a better person and make yourself quite a catch. You see that image you have in your head of an ideal partner, be that and more. Be so enough that there'd be a long queue of people waiting to take your surname or give you theirs.

'The One's Is Right There But You Do Not Know

So, you have a special image in your head of the person you want to get married to, we all do. You may think, she has to be tall, and curvy with fair clear skin. Her boobs and butt must wiggle with every movement she makes and she must have the kind of smile that'd make all your friends jealous. Or like me, you may want him to be tall, fair, fully bearded, well built, smart, fashionable, funny, a feminist and sexy as fuck.

Now there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s beautiful to know what works for you, to have a choice. If everything works for you, then you are in for some deep shit (did that sound as fancy as I intended or was it a miss?) But here’s the thing, when you hold tightly to that perfect image and think ‘if not this, nothing else,’ chances are, when the one for you (probably someone who just like me, is all bones, almost bald and has no butt) comes, you wouldn’t know it.

You are looking for tall and fair so when average and dark who has everything you need in a partner (a kind heart, a great cook as you can't light a match, is independent, wants kids, has big dreams and is working hard to achieve them etc) comes your way, you wouldn't know it because your order has come but in a different package.
There’s nothing wrong if you want to be with someone good-looking. In fact, it’s when you aspire to be with an ugly person that there is a problem. But then, looks should not be the major thing you look out for when you want to get married. Look out for someone who matches you. Look out for traits you can live with. If it comes in a body like Angelina Jolie or Dwayne Johnson, then it’s a plus.

Also, look around you, neighbor, colleague, delivery man, customer, 'the one' could be right in front of you the whole time while you are searching in Mexico. They just might be in a different packaging than you expected but the content is exactly what you need. 

Long and short of it is, 'the one' may be right in front of you and you do not know it because you aren't looking and that could be why you are still single and it's almost 2019.

God Has Other Plans 

This might not be an ideal reason to you but I tell you, it’s all the reason. Most times, we have our lives all planned out. Graduate at 21, Employed at 22, Married at 25, 3 kids at 28, Ph.D. at 30 etc. I for one, had an entirely different plan for myself from what I'm going through. At a point, I was depressed and almost suicidal because I felt I had achieved nothing and my life was purposeless. But in time, I realized that even if I am not at the exact place I thought I’d be, I’m very far from the place I started.

My point is, no matter how old you are, no matter what your plans are, and no matter how left out you are feelings (if it feels like everyone you know is married), God could have other plans for you and in those plans, get him married in 2018 might not be there. On the other hand, give him life, give him health, provide his daily bread, protect him, help him achieve everything he needs to have a happy home …etc could be there. Now would you rather exchange this for a man or woman to get married to?

I know this is pretty much cliché but God’s time truly is the best. Before you beat yourself up about still being single, before you start to ask what’s wrong with you, before you beg him one more time to come and see your parents, always remember that God has even better plans for you than you have for yourself. His plans for you are of good and not of evil for you. Hold your peace and let him. Do the things you can and let him do the rest. It will happen. So, while waiting, learn, grow yourself, get a good job, eat, drink water, travel and do what makes your happy. Make yourself good enough for the best so when God sends him/her your way, him/she will also want you.

That’s pretty much it. Did this read appeal to you? Do you have any question or contribution, let’s converse in the comment section. Don’t let 2019 meet you while you are at it. Do it now!


Everything You Need To Know Before You Send Him Nudes

When I was a child, I heard adults complain of headache and prayed for mine. It sounded so grown up to say one has headache and need some quiet and you know how we wanted to grow up so badly as kids. Now I'm an adult, I have headache occasionally and some other adult troubles I'll give anything to have go away.

Among other things, with growing up has come occasional headache, responsibilities, selective freedom, choices, etc. With adulthood has also come men! I thought from my early years and still think now that men are blessings to 'womankind' (please don't take this personally, I'm only being a writer), especially when they are bearded! 

When you find a man your heart goes out to and his to you, you can barely contain it. You'd want to keep the ball rolling, you'd want to submit to his every whim and you'd want everything to only get better. Whatever happens, whatever you do, whatever you feel you are feeling and for whatever reason; love, money, commitment, spontaneity, never send him your naked pictures. In slay English, never send him your nudes!

Here's why;

Everything you need to know before you send him your nudes

You May Regret It 

I tell you dearie, in a year's time or even less, you probably won't be feeling as lovey-dovey about the whole thing as you are now. You may not be thinking then that it's not a big deal as you are now. You may not be in the same state of mind that you are now, then what next? I'll tell you.

You'll feel bad and embarrassed. You'd wonder what he really thinks about you. You'd be embarrassed around him and you'd beat yourself up about it wondering what you were thinking. Tell you what you were thinking? Nothing. You were not thinking because if you were, you wouldn't have done it.

Again, that body you are sending him now may not look so banging to you in the future when your eyes and head have cleared, when you look even better. But then, there'd be no going back. You've already clicked the send button. Nudes have already been sent to him. 

Everything you need to know before you send him your nudes

You'd regret it. You'd think of ways to retrieve it. Visit him and ask him for his phone? Get his friend to delete it? You may even think of sending people to rob him but that's where it'd all end. You'd think and regret but that only can you do.

He Could Blackmail You

This here happens all the time. He may not look to you like that kind of person but nobody looks like that kind of person. Man could blackmail you and baby girl, that shit is scary as fuck. If care is not taken, it could mess up your life. It is not worth it. It is not even almost worth it.

You like your peace? Waking up without panic attacks, scrolling lazily through your phone for social media feeds, eating whatever, going where ever and saying whatever without fear or favor? Living your life without having to explain shit to anybody? Walking the streets without getting weird stares? When he blackmails you, those would be luxuries you won't be able to afford. Prevent it before it happens.

It Could Get Into The Wrong Hands

Even if everything goes well and you don't regret it nor does he try to blackmail you, it could get into the wrong hands unintended. Keeping nudes in your phone without sending it to anyone is risky. Sharing it is even riskier.

A hundred and one things could go wrong. Friends could send it to their phones. He could mistakenly send it to someone. His phone could even get stolen. Then what? Blackout. The end. Goodbye to peace of mind. 

He'll Always Have it

Everything you need to know before you send him your nudes

After you send him your nudes, that's it. You'd have no control of what happens afterwards. Not where it goes, not what he does with it, not who he shows and definitely not how long he keeps it.

If at any point you change your mind, nothing changes. He'll still have it and do with it whatever. Be sure to know he won't be in a hurry to delete it. 

He Most Probably Won't Send You His

Ever heard of a man whose nude pictures got leaked? Jay-Z? Banky W? Kelechi Amadiobi? Or perhaps Lai Mohammed? No? Me neither! I'm very sure we can count on ten fingers and more, female celebrities who we can draw their nipples with our eyes closed because of their leaked nudes online. Of course, I'm not saying since the beginning of time, a man's nude hasn't gotten into the wrong hands. I'm only saying it rarely ever happens.

 Everything you need to know before you send him your nudes

I don't know about you but I like receiving what I give. That man who's asking for your nudes most probably can't send you his. Well, except for a picture of his veiny erect penis guarded by a thick forest of hair.

You, on the other hand, want to present to him a full image of you trying so hard (and failing) to recreate the model poses you see on the cover of Vogue magazine. There's nothing more pathetic.

He won't do that for you. He's smart like that.

You Could Be President

You could be president, no jokes. 

We may tolerate a president that has dual citizenship between our country and another and can barely keep his ass at home. We may tolerate a president that comes and leaves us worse than we have ever been. We may even tolerate a president that's older than the country but one whose naked picture is the wallpaper of every smartphone? Nah, we'll pass on that. 

Everything you need to know before you send him your nudes

But seriously you could want a position tomorrow or want to venture into something really serious and that kind of thing could make you lose it. Your image is everything, guard it with your life. Well, maybe not your life but guard it nevertheless.

That's everything (and a little more) you need to know before you send him your nudes. Still want to do it?

Do you have any thought on this read or is there something you think I'm leaving out? Let's converse in the comment section below!