It's finally 2020! I'm having mixed feelings about the new year. I'm thankful I've come this far but not so excited I'm getting old so fast! One moment I was crying and asking my mum why I have been six-years-old for so long, and the next, I'm house hunting in Lagos. How did this happen?!

Well, as we settle into the big decade, here are nine things that we have to let go of.



Sense of entitlement

It's easy to feel entitled to things that aren’t yours, or you do not merit.

Your best friend got a big job, so you expect them to pick up some of your bills. One of your uncles is abroad and doing well, so he has to take you or one of your siblings along and 'show you the way.' You have been following a celebrity for so long, showering their social media posts with comments and likes. You are the one true fan, so you expect them to do a giveaway to show love.

It's easy to feel you deserve certain things from people because of the nature of the relationship you have with them, because you'd do the same if you were in their shoes or just because well, that's just how you feel.

This is wrong. You are only entitled to what is yours. If people do things for you, awesome! If they don't, let them live. You even feel less disappointed when you expect nothing. Also, you may not know this, but helping people does not mean that you are entitled to them helping you back unless it was pre-agreed.

Whether it is money, emotions, support, or whatever, think about why you are feeling entitled and if people really owe you what you expect from them. This can be trickier in relationships. Talk to your partner about what they should do for you and what you should do for them to avoid unhealthy entitlement.

Self-doubt

Self-doubt is a dream killer and limitation to growth. It's easier to fight back when you are being fought. But when you are the one fighting yourself, unless you stop, you fight to lose.

Come 2020, do not doubt or second guess yourself. Better to believe you can do more than you can actually do than to undermine your strength. When you doubt yourself, you settle for less. You don't pursue opportunities you should because you don't think you have what it takes. You dim your light. You are pessimistic, and you feed your mind with the negative. Then your body gradually acts out what you have been feeding your mind.

You don't even have to wait till 2020 to get rid of self-doubt. Start now to speak words of affirmations to yourself. Focus on the positive and all you have been able to achieve, no matter how little. Believe you have all it takes because you actually do.

Procrastination

'The trash can? Don't worry, I'll take it out tomorrow. I've only just eaten! I'll take the plate to the kitchen later! I'll send the email on Saturday. I'll build up my CV by the weekend. I'll send my application for that job later during the week.'



The trash can overflows with dirt. The plate you just finished eating with stays in the same spot till the next day. You don't send the email till you run on a deadline, so you hurriedly scribble and send a low-quality email. You never build up your CV. When you are finally ready to apply for the job, it's late. The deadline was yesterday.

Procrastination makes us miss more opportunities than we know. Doing things at your earliest convenience will save you the stress of rushing through them or never getting them done. Stop saying later when you can do it now. Obey Nike, just do it!

Cyberbullying

Internet bullying three, two, or even a year ago can be pardonable. We can pretend that we were just getting the hang of social media but internet bullying in 2019? I cannot wrap my head around it. The fact that people you are bullying aren't standing in front of you doesn't make them less real. Quit trying to sound savage and witty at the expense of other people's emotions.

Of course, it's not everything you see on your social media feed you will like or agree with. But there is something called 'not reacting.' Instead of spewing bile and typing an epistle of unkindness, look away and pretend you didn't see it at all.

The people you bully and troll are real people just like you and me. And this includes celebrities with millions of followers. Yes, they too read your comments, and yes, they have feelings. If you won't like it if it is done to you, do not do it to others.

Yes there’d still be cyberbullying come 2020, but let’s agree it won't be from us.

‘You have forgotten about me’

This has to be the worst thing on the list.

You know those people you don’t keep in touch with, and when you guys finally communicate, the first thing you get is, ‘you forgot me.’

First of, you are not the air people breathe, so it’s not hard to forget you. Second, we both haven’t been in touch, so how come I’m the guilty one? Finally, haven’t you heard that life happens?

Come 2020, stop guilt-tripping people and accusing them of forgetting you. Reach out to people who you haven’t spoken to for a while if you miss them. If you are the only one who reaches out, it’s most probably because they don’t take what you both have as seriously as you do. You have to stop making an effort in that case.

So here are two solutions for this in 2020, reach out to people who have ‘forgotten you,’ or ‘move on.’

‘God when?’

Reacting to things other people have that you hope for with, ‘God when?’ was a big trend this year. It’s like saying, ‘God when will this kind of thing happen to me,’ or ‘God when will this be me?’

Now this may seem harmless, like a lot of trends that we follow and get rid of when we are bored or when new ones are out. There is nothing wrong with admiring what people have and hoping for it. But at the same time, do not undermine what you have. And instead of ‘God whening,’ appreciate what you have and work for what you want.

While you ‘God when,’ remember that a lot of things aren’t as they seem. Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.


Spending beyond your means

You know how much you earn. Spend like you earn. While spending, there should be two basic goals; saving and not borrowing.


Don't spend so much, you get left with nothing and you have to borrow. Also, save while at it. If you feel like with your current salary, you can't survive without spendings beyond your means, then the next point is specifically for you.

Having only one stream of income

Money is not everything, but it will make you happier and your life better. People are working so hard and earning so much. It is no longer enough to have just a single stream of income. What if something happens and you don’t have that anymore? Won’t it feel better to not only depend on one means of income?

Come 2020, learn new skills, take courses, start (a) business(es), find out what people lack and provide it for a fee, turn your hobby into cash, and aggressively create multiple streams of income for yourself.

It’s better to work smart than to work hard, but if you combine working hard and working smart, your only worry will be a bank account that’d contain all the money you’d make! Do not leave your life to chance. Begin now to secure your future!

While at it, do not pressure yourself. Be deliberate and thoughtful.

Spending more time online than offline

Unless you work online, you need to cut down the time you spend on the internet, social media especially.

There is always something happening on the web, so it is hard to put your phone away. Even without knowing it, you have become addicted to your phone. You spend less time with your family, you are impatient to return to your phone, so you have shorter conversations, you spend less time looking around you and actually figuring out your life. Even when you are out, you don’t live the experience. You are more concerned about filming it and sharing online. If you devote your whole life to it, you still won’t have enough time to explore all there is on the internet.

We did this in 2019, we shouldn’t in 2020. Be deliberate about everything; including how much time you spend on your phone. Your life will be better and more productive this way.

Happy New Year! (I should think of a name to call you guys. Suggestions in the comment session maybe?) As always, you are welcome!

Nigerians are hustlers, bloody hustlers! We can make money out of virtually anything and go hard at it. If that isn’t something, I don’t know what is.

There are different kinds of hustles in these streets. Some are certified with big degrees, some talents, some training and there are those by chance and constant practice but you see, there is one thing all these have in common, ‘don’t worry, I know best, 'do not teach me my job’ culture.


When people patronize our services, most of us don’t want it to appear even in the vaguest way like they know better about the hustle than we do even when they actually do. We don’t even want it to appear like they know anything about it at all.

You go the hospital and the doctor writes you some prescriptions. To be very sure, you tell him that the drug at the top of the list made your brother itch all over and you hope that won’t be the case with you. He gives you the overpowering ‘don’t teach me my job’ look and continues like you didn’t say a word or if he is in a good mood, he says something dismissive like, ‘madam please go and get the drugs’.

It’s your birthday and you go to a photographer for a shoot. Everything goes fine. You get home and remember you forgot to mention something so you quickly send him a message on WhatsApp. ‘Please easy on the edits. I don’t want my legs to look unnatural’. He reads your message and doesn’t acknowledge or even reply, the ‘don’t teach me my job’ thingy.


You send your designer a picture from his collection, ‘I want this shirt,’ you say. ‘Will it be available by next week?’ He assures you it will and you pay him. You pick your order a week later than he said it’d come and it’s a different shirt, howbeit lovely. You call him and complain and he says with a confident voice, ‘That one is better. It will fit you more.’ Bitch, was that the agreement? Of course, it wasn’t but it’s what the ‘I know best’ voice in his head says. C’mon now, do not attempt to teach him his job!

You give the tailor your fabric and tell her, ‘please I want a straight cut skirt. Nothing fancy at all, just a straight cut skirt,’ You return in four days’ time and a straight cut skirt with darts is staring at you. ‘But ma, I said just straight cut na.’ ‘I know, I know, but you know say you no get nyash, the darts go give you shape.’ Wait a sec. Were you hoping to teach Iya Bisi in Yaba her job? You asked her for straight cut and she’s giving you something even better. How dare you even complain? What do you know about tailoring? She’s been in the business for ten years!

Ugh!

Truth is, the clients’ fears, the concerns they expressed at first (but you ignored because you know best and don't want to be thought your job) always happens and you make a last-minute rush to save the day. Something that would have been averted had you not ‘known best’. Had you let them ‘teach you your job,’ even if it’s for a second.

The doctor’s prescription gives the patient rashes. Her legs look super unreal and unnatural in her birthday pictures. Even though the shirt from his designer is lovely, he hates how it looks on him, and the skirt with the darts the tailor made for her makes her look plain stupid.

Dear Nigerian hustlers, more than your skills, more than your experience, more than what you think you know, more than what you think comes naturally to you, it’s important to calm down and listen to your clients, especially when they are paying you to get the job. It doesn’t make you less knowledgeable, it’s ironically wisdom. They make a lot more sense than you think and that’s probably making a bunch of you insecure.

Your clients know what they want and even if you have an idea of what you think is the best, (which most probably is), they want what they want and they are paying you for it. It makes the work easier for you both. That’s the major problem with hustlers we have in Nigeria!

If you can fix this, you can fix everything.

If there are a hundred posts on the internet about weight problems, 99 focuses on weight loss and the one that's about weight gain asks you (towards the end of the post) why in the world you are bothered about gaining weight. "Your skinny is perfect," it says, "Everybody wants to be like you girl!"

You think skinny girls have no problem and are living the life of your dreams? You think we are lucky and nature cheated on the rest of you guys? Stay with me on this post.



I've been skinny all my 23 years (plus 9 months in the womb) on earth and I'm one of those people you meet after many years and exclaim, "Jesus! You've not changed!" I rarely ever add weight. Scratch that, I never add weight. I've never weighed up to 60kg and I'm over 5ft8. You get the point now, no? Some of my pictures are below for more effect:



Now you are sure I'm talking from a professional angle, here are some of our (my)  fashion concerns:

Collar bones

Ugh! These are a bother, especially if they are as pronounced as mine. You can store water in there in readiness for drought. Collar bones are beautiful in magazines, pictures and all. There are even some looks you can't properly slay if those neck bones aren't sticking out and you might have to use makeup to enhance them. Other times, (read most times), you just want to abracadabra the bones away.


I go out of my way to cover them. It makes you look a kind of way. It screams, "fleshless! all bones! haven't eaten" and as a result,  there are some clothes I just have to avoid wearing. Mine are super pronounced probably because I have broad shoulders.

What we can wear when it comes to revealing the neck, shoulders and even back is limited. Skinny girls look good in everything is a myth!

Ass Does Not Exist!

This is no figure of speech. Our butt practically isn't in existence! It's table flat, gone, not there, a mystery, naturally ghosted on us!

No way in the word we want to be caught in clothes that further enhances this 'handicap'. You'd never see me in a skinny trouser and a top that's not long enough to cover my butt. I go for tops that are long enough to cover my butt in times like that and trousers that don't cling to my butt when I'm wearing a small top and big clothes generally.

Legs Are Too Skinny For Shorts 


Our legs are as skinny as the pen I wrote the draft of this post with, if not skinnier. You can keep us in the same place you keep shorts or super short skirts/ gowns. They are safe, we won't touch them.

We Are Most Probably Flat Chested 

Just like our butt, our boobs are not there so if you look for us in clothes that need to show cleavage, you won't see us.

Now, I won't say this is the case for all skinny girls. There are those who I can dare to call grown, liberated, who would break all these 'rules' and still look like a dream! Even in their liberation, they sometimes have moments of doubts.

Before they got to the liberation stage, before they saw light, they were once here. I'm not there yet and I hope I soon will be.

It's my birthday today so let's sit back and watch the light that comes with 23, shall we?

Cheers to liberation!