Relationships are beautiful, that's how I see them. Even though I like to think that I'm not a relationship person, (whatever that means) and I hardly let people in, it means a lot to me the rare times I do.
It's beautiful to meet people, click with them and them with you irrespective of how short you've known yourselves. It's exciting that you'll be let in on personal details about their lives and that you, in turn, will let them in.
When all the effort made to keep the relationship is one-sided or the feeling isn't mutual, it isn't half as beautiful. If anything, it's a killjoy and a complete waste of energy and resources. If you go out of your way to make the relationship work, they should too. It isn't rocket science na.
Recently, I shot my shot and got talking to this cool dude I've been crushing on for a while. I was so happy, I almost died. You know how it is, with every notification, you pray it's him. Just when I was about to change my name on official documents to his surname, I realized he wasn't feeling half as great as I was about the whole thing.
I initiated 99% of the conversation, sent the first and last message daily, and basically did all the work. I could have let it all pass, believe me, if it wasn't for one major red sign. Dude replies my 'how are you's with 'I'm good.' Bi*ch! What happened to '...and you?' That was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Camel's back broken, I saved myself the emotional stress and stopped. What happened next? Well, since it was just me making all the effort, the system crashed. We haven't spoken since my last message to him.
Here's how to know if you are to them what I was to my crush. After you've read this, you'll know if you are the only one making all the effort in a relationship which means the feeling isn't mutual and you are pretty much in the relationship alone.
Know this, by 'relationship' I mean any relation between people; friendship, date, affair, and the likes.
They Reply Your 'How Are You's With 'I'm Good'
If they reply your 'how are you's with only 'I'm good' and they do it all the time, it's a red sign. Pepper red. It sounds funny I know. I also know that you may be thinking, 'what's wrong with this one?' but haven't you heard that it's the little things that matter most. Isn't that how they say it?
If while chatting, having phone or face to face conversations, they don't ask you how you are doing after you ask them how they are doing, and they do it all the time, beware. They are giving you a major lead to their feelings towards you without knowing it. You probably didn't know it too but you know now.
If you care enough to ask how they are doing, they should return the favor. It's not debatable. Except they are self-centered, have no interest in you or they don't value you as much as you value them and of course, that's not acceptable!
You Apologise All The Time
If it's you who apologizes when you are wrong, when they are wrong, and even when nobody is wrong, it's a red sign. Scarlet red.
It goes to show that you are the only one trying to ensure peace in the relationship or trying to make sure the ball is rolling again. It should be the concern of you both! If you are really in it together, they should worry about your feelings as you worry about theirs. How? Apologizing when they are wrong for one.
It doesn't count if the reason you always apologize is that you always wrong them. In this case, the problem is you.
They Apologise All The Time
There is a flip side to the coin and this is it. It doesn't just have to be you apologizing all the time for there to be a problem. If they apologize all the time because they are always making the same mistakes, it's you alone who has regards for what you've got.
If they have any regard for the relationship, they won't be making the same mistake over and over again so they don't keep apologizing for the same damn thing!
They Don't Do For You What You Do For Them
I'm not saying you should expect a payback for all you do for them but if you can catch a grenade for them, they should for you too.
If they can't support you too, they can't give you a listening ear too, they can't call you too, they can't do for you things you do for them, you might just be in a relationship with yourself.
They Make You Feel You Want It More Than They Do
Are you always the one who wants to talk or see them? Is it just you who begins chats and keeps it going? Do you fix all the appointments and basically initiate the communication all the time? Are you the one who always makes sure things are good? Do you try too hard not to offend them? Do they make a big deal out of the little mistakes you make and always complain about things you do that has never been a problem to anyone else? Do they give you bad vibes? Are you always in situations that make you feel you want it more than they do?
If your answer is yes to at least three of these questions, I hate to break it to you but you are in the relationship alone, all by yourself.
They Decide What Happens
Relationships are super beautiful if everything that happens is mutual not one-sided; the love, care, attention etc and importantly, decision making. If anything in the relationship is one-sided, it should be because that's what works for you guys and you both are comfortable with it. Some people think for instance, that it's the man who should make the most effort. If you both think so and totally agree with that, why not?
If they decide what happens in the relationship and solely make the decisions, you do not exist to them.
They Are Friends Only When They Want To Be
One major sign that you are in the relationship alone is that they are friends only when they want to be and at other times, they disappear on you, they become emotionally unavailable or they just completely lock up.
It's toxic to be in a relationship that is seasonal. One moment they are all over you and the next, they go MIA. I've experienced it and I tell you, it is unhealthy for your mind, body, and soul.
You are in the relationship alone if they call the shots and decide to let you in when they want to and push you out when they feel like it, for no reason.
Nobody is allowed to mess with your feelings that way. They either let you all the way in and be available all the damn time or leave you out for good.
Do not let anyone toy with your feelings that way, no matter who.
I hope you found this read useful. Please share your thoughts below in the comment section. If you have any, questions are also allowed. Just make sure it isn't longer than the original post. LOL.
They Are Friends Only When They Want To Be
One major sign that you are in the relationship alone is that they are friends only when they want to be and at other times, they disappear on you, they become emotionally unavailable or they just completely lock up.
It's toxic to be in a relationship that is seasonal. One moment they are all over you and the next, they go MIA. I've experienced it and I tell you, it is unhealthy for your mind, body, and soul.
You are in the relationship alone if they call the shots and decide to let you in when they want to and push you out when they feel like it, for no reason.
Nobody is allowed to mess with your feelings that way. They either let you all the way in and be available all the damn time or leave you out for good.
Do not let anyone toy with your feelings that way, no matter who.
I hope you found this read useful. Please share your thoughts below in the comment section. If you have any, questions are also allowed. Just make sure it isn't longer than the original post. LOL.
6 Comments
...they are friends only when they want to be. Word! Thanks sakey, I enjoy the way you write. Kudos
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DeleteAwwwww thank you dearie !
Delete😎
ReplyDeleteDo they make a big deal out of the little mistakes you make and always complain about things you do that has never been a problem to anyone else?
ReplyDeleteI think I have learnt a lot.
Wow. I love this write. It's great. Really.
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