#TheMenAndI: The New Guy At Work


I’m a sucker for good-looking men. If you as much as know my name, you should know this. I mean, what’s there not to love? The beards? The muscles? How feminine their masculinity makes me feel? What exactly?

So, you see, immediately he walked into my workplace, I was hooked. Damn! Man was hot. It wasn’t until later, after I had concluded he was my next boyfriend, that I found out his name was Jeff and he had just changed his place of primary assignment (NYSC terms. It translates to his workplace) to mine. We were now colleagues. What did a girl do to deserve such luck?!




He was tall, fair, full (not skinny), had beautiful full hair and was generally soft, a baby boy for life. He is one of those people that you see and know they are living a good life. I immediately knew what time it was without even checking my wristwatch; stalking time! I went through the attendance register and it wasn’t hard to find the new addition – Jeffery Jose. Fresh boy with a fresh ID. I quickly searched it on Facebook and there he was, sitting in a plane staring at the camera all cute and soft, my baby boy.

He looked nothing like the beautiful married man who raised my hopes high and got me thinking he was my husband  when he only wanted someone to knack. This one looked all single and ready to be my next boyfriend. I went through his timeline and saw he didn’t have a lot of  engagement. Just great! Who has strength to be dragging man with all these girls that have no joy? In a few hours, I got a notification that he had accepted my friend request. I wasn’t surprised. He can’t be getting lots of friend requests and even if he can, he can’t be getting any from a beautiful skinny girl. Proud much?

Yours truly 

I waited a few days for him to message me, no show. By then, I had all his statuses and response to comments by heart and knew what time he’ll probably be online and what time he won’t. Tired of waiting, I decided to message him one evening. There’s something romantic about the quiet and darkness the evening brings. I poured water in it and slid into his DM so the sliding would be smooth. We got talking and soon, I told him who I was. Man said I looked naïve. That didn’t deter me. We all get our ego bruised once in a while, right?

One day, I woke up to a message from him asking for my Whatsapp number. I almost had an orgasm. How does one type numbers in capital letters?

Facebook to Whatsapp, our relationship grew. I was sure he’d ask me out in no time. We hadn’t seen since the first day he walked into my workplace and I decided he was my next boyfriend so my only fear was that he was going to ask me out online. Who asks a girl out online? Who?!

Our chats weren’t so frequent. Not half as frequent as I wanted. I wanted the first message I see every morning and last I see every night kind of thing but if wishes were horses. I didn’t want to throw myself at him so I decided to move at his pace. Something else that made me slow down was that I didn’t just initiate all the conversations, he barely made an effort to keep them going. For one, he replies my ‘How are you’s with just ‘I’m fine’. What happened to ‘and you?’




That was when I began to fear he might not be my next boyfriend after all and he probably wasn’t ever going to ask me out. I didn’t stop hoping though. Nothing good comes easy anyway. Then, I made the, ‘How to give a mind-blowing blowjob’ post and shared it on my Facebook wall. He reacted and said I didn’t look like someone who knew those kind of things. As I was still trying to decide if that was a good or bad thing, he dropped the bombshell. He said he’d send the link to his girlfriend. He’s sure she’ll learn a thing or two. Over and out. The end.

At that point, I knew the end had come. They say there is someone out there for everyone but I hope I don't have to become one of those people who wed themselves before he shows up. 😔 


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