It's finally 2020! I'm having mixed feelings about the new year. I'm thankful I've come this far but not so excited I'm getting old so fast! One moment I was crying and asking my mum why I have been six-years-old for so long, and the next, I'm house hunting in Lagos. How did this happen?!
Well, as we settle into the big decade, here are nine things that we have to let go of.
Sense of entitlement
It's easy to feel entitled to things that aren’t yours, or you do not merit.
Your best friend got a big job, so you expect them to pick up some of your bills. One of your uncles is abroad and doing well, so he has to take you or one of your siblings along and 'show you the way.' You have been following a celebrity for so long, showering their social media posts with comments and likes. You are the one true fan, so you expect them to do a giveaway to show love.
It's easy to feel you deserve certain things from people because of the nature of the relationship you have with them, because you'd do the same if you were in their shoes or just because well, that's just how you feel.
This is wrong. You are only entitled to what is yours. If people do things for you, awesome! If they don't, let them live. You even feel less disappointed when you expect nothing. Also, you may not know this, but helping people does not mean that you are entitled to them helping you back unless it was pre-agreed.
Whether it is money, emotions, support, or whatever, think about why you are feeling entitled and if people really owe you what you expect from them. This can be trickier in relationships. Talk to your partner about what they should do for you and what you should do for them to avoid unhealthy entitlement.
Self-doubt
Self-doubt is a dream killer and limitation to growth. It's easier to fight back when you are being fought. But when you are the one fighting yourself, unless you stop, you fight to lose.
Come 2020, do not doubt or second guess yourself. Better to believe you can do more than you can actually do than to undermine your strength. When you doubt yourself, you settle for less. You don't pursue opportunities you should because you don't think you have what it takes. You dim your light. You are pessimistic, and you feed your mind with the negative. Then your body gradually acts out what you have been feeding your mind.
You don't even have to wait till 2020 to get rid of self-doubt. Start now to speak words of affirmations to yourself. Focus on the positive and all you have been able to achieve, no matter how little. Believe you have all it takes because you actually do.
Procrastination
'The trash can? Don't worry, I'll take it out tomorrow. I've only just eaten! I'll take the plate to the kitchen later! I'll send the email on Saturday. I'll build up my CV by the weekend. I'll send my application for that job later during the week.'
The trash can overflows with dirt. The plate you just finished eating with stays in the same spot till the next day. You don't send the email till you run on a deadline, so you hurriedly scribble and send a low-quality email. You never build up your CV. When you are finally ready to apply for the job, it's late. The deadline was yesterday.
Procrastination makes us miss more opportunities than we know. Doing things at your earliest convenience will save you the stress of rushing through them or never getting them done. Stop saying later when you can do it now. Obey Nike, just do it!
Cyberbullying
Internet bullying three, two, or even a year ago can be pardonable. We can pretend that we were just getting the hang of social media but internet bullying in 2019? I cannot wrap my head around it. The fact that people you are bullying aren't standing in front of you doesn't make them less real. Quit trying to sound savage and witty at the expense of other people's emotions.
Of course, it's not everything you see on your social media feed you will like or agree with. But there is something called 'not reacting.' Instead of spewing bile and typing an epistle of unkindness, look away and pretend you didn't see it at all.
The people you bully and troll are real people just like you and me. And this includes celebrities with millions of followers. Yes, they too read your comments, and yes, they have feelings. If you won't like it if it is done to you, do not do it to others.
Yes there’d still be cyberbullying come 2020, but let’s agree it won't be from us.
‘You have forgotten about me’
This has to be the worst thing on the list.
You know those people you don’t keep in touch with, and when you guys finally communicate, the first thing you get is, ‘you forgot me.’
First of, you are not the air people breathe, so it’s not hard to forget you. Second, we both haven’t been in touch, so how come I’m the guilty one? Finally, haven’t you heard that life happens?
Come 2020, stop guilt-tripping people and accusing them of forgetting you. Reach out to people who you haven’t spoken to for a while if you miss them. If you are the only one who reaches out, it’s most probably because they don’t take what you both have as seriously as you do. You have to stop making an effort in that case.
So here are two solutions for this in 2020, reach out to people who have ‘forgotten you,’ or ‘move on.’
‘God when?’
Reacting to things other people have that you hope for with, ‘God when?’ was a big trend this year. It’s like saying, ‘God when will this kind of thing happen to me,’ or ‘God when will this be me?’
Now this may seem harmless, like a lot of trends that we follow and get rid of when we are bored or when new ones are out. There is nothing wrong with admiring what people have and hoping for it. But at the same time, do not undermine what you have. And instead of ‘God whening,’ appreciate what you have and work for what you want.
While you ‘God when,’ remember that a lot of things aren’t as they seem. Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it.
Spending beyond your means
You know how much you earn. Spend like you earn. While spending, there should be two basic goals; saving and not borrowing.
Don't spend so much, you get left with nothing and you have to borrow. Also, save while at it. If you feel like with your current salary, you can't survive without spendings beyond your means, then the next point is specifically for you.
Having only one stream of income
Money is not everything, but it will make you happier and your life better. People are working so hard and earning so much. It is no longer enough to have just a single stream of income. What if something happens and you don’t have that anymore? Won’t it feel better to not only depend on one means of income?
Come 2020, learn new skills, take courses, start (a) business(es), find out what people lack and provide it for a fee, turn your hobby into cash, and aggressively create multiple streams of income for yourself.
It’s better to work smart than to work hard, but if you combine working hard and working smart, your only worry will be a bank account that’d contain all the money you’d make! Do not leave your life to chance. Begin now to secure your future!
While at it, do not pressure yourself. Be deliberate and thoughtful.
Spending more time online than offline
Unless you work online, you need to cut down the time you spend on the internet, social media especially.
There is always something happening on the web, so it is hard to put your phone away. Even without knowing it, you have become addicted to your phone. You spend less time with your family, you are impatient to return to your phone, so you have shorter conversations, you spend less time looking around you and actually figuring out your life. Even when you are out, you don’t live the experience. You are more concerned about filming it and sharing online. If you devote your whole life to it, you still won’t have enough time to explore all there is on the internet.
We did this in 2019, we shouldn’t in 2020. Be deliberate about everything; including how much time you spend on your phone. Your life will be better and more productive this way.
Happy New Year! (I should think of a name to call you guys. Suggestions in the comment session maybe?) As always, you are welcome!
4 Comments
I always use "you forget me" phrase because I know that's the next thing the long lost friend will say...
ReplyDeleteSo I'm using mine as self defence.
Wonderful write up tho 🙌🙌🙌🙌
"You have forgotten me!"😂😂😂 Thanks dear for this fresh dose of inspiration and happy new year.
ReplyDeletePreach on my preacher girl
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