Here I am joining the na dem dey rush us gang but not so fortunately, I’m not rushed by half the fab things that rush other people so don’t get excited much. If anything, the reverse is the case. On the brighter side, isn’t that better than not being rush at all? 

Ever since the trend began on social media, I’ve seen posts like ‘fine boys like us, we no dey make noise, na girls dey rush us'. I've even seen ‘bloggers like us, we no dey do ads, na traffic dey rush us’. Okay, I made that up but you get the point no? Everyone has awesome things that rush them except you-know-who, me.

The story of my life, here are 3 things that have been rushing me lately;

Bad hair

There was a time my hair was great and worth dying for. It could raise the dead, feed the hungry and direct the lost if I wanted it to (I never wanted it to though). It gave mind-blowing orgasms if one stared at it for longer than two minutes. It was everything, and then a little more. Those days, all I needed to do was have a haircut, apply my curl activator and go give world people nerve shattering, mind-blowing, massive orgasms, the once-in-a-lifetime kind. It was that good. 

Then all of a sudden, there was a big bang like the one in the evolution theory. Things fell apart. Isn't it said that good things don't last? No matter what I did, the haircut I had and where I had it, how generous the quantity of curl activator I scooped into my hair was, nothing happened. 

My hair life started deteriorating. The dead remained dead, the hungry began to starve and the lost? There was no trace of them. People stopped having orgasms, no matter how long they stared. I didn’t know that hair, it isn’t mine.

I resorted to faze caps but the refuge that gave was short-lived. Not everything I wore needed a faze cap. My fashion was bad enough, I didn't want to make it worse. So I knew what I had to do and I knew I had to do it fast. 

When I walked in, luckily, it was just both of us; the man and I. I asked him to remove it, everything. He asked no questions, and did as he was told. First, a few strands came raining and then more. In a few minutes, they all came off. 

Hair gone and face like an ugly duckling, I left happy. Isn't that what they say matters? That was after I paid for the haircut of course! I'm not an ole. I went into a nearby salon and had a pixie cut with hair extension, the style some people call skull cap. It gave no orgasms but wasn't as bad as it used to be anymore.

Two weeks later, hair extension removed and no hair on my head, I’m back to square one. Ugly duckling kind. The story of my life, my bad hair life.

Sleep

I’m surprised that I haven’t (yet) fallen asleep standing or in the middle of a conversation. The way sleep rushes me, you’d think I have a health problem. Everyone says it’s not normal but what about me is?

If I have to be involved in an early morning activity, your sure bet is I’ll sleep it through. I have been attending a one-hour church program daily from 6 am to 7 am and if I’m awake for up to 20minutues in the whole hour, it’s a wonder.

The thought of sleep brightens my spirit and lifts my mind. There's nothing like it!

Procrastination

I mentioned in this post, that I hold a titled position in World Procrastination Association (WPA) and an even higher one in World’s Sleepers’ club (WSC).

“Sleep and procrastination come naturally to me in ways that bother me. Had I been with Jesus and his disciples in the troubled boat trip in the bible, I would have slept it through. That’s if I didn’t procrastinate the trip anyway.”

From doing laundry to replying a Whatsapp message, all I can think of is 'later'. I convince myself I’ll do it in 20 minutes and in 20 minutes I make it 30 and in 30 I make it 2 hours. I keep going and on and on till I can’t go anymore and I have to do it.

Now, this is not something I’m proud of or anything but it is what it is. The habit started rushing me recently and of all three, this is the worst. 

Good thing is, I’ve learnt that the major reason I do this is I'm so attached to my phone so I’ve started regulating the time I use the device. So far, it has been working.

What are the things that rush you? Are they as bad as mine or as great as great can be? Let me know in the comment section!

Told you, it was nothing major.
2. Microwave

I seriously can't explain how a human adult lived all her life without using a microwave or knowing how it works. It beats me.

While in Lagos, I was working. Working time was morning till evening so there was need for lunch. The first day I resumed, amongst other things, my direct boss told me there was a microwave in the lobby so I could bring food from home.

Hating embarrassment and smelling one on the way, I googled how to use a microwave. I didn't understand the yada yada google was saying and didn't have the patience to try to at the time so I shoved if off and decided to cross the bridge when I get there.

Soon I got to the river but the bridge was nowhere to be found. I brought food from home for the first time and proceeded to ask a colleague where exactly the microwave was in the lobby as I wanted to keep my food warm in there till noon when I'd want to eat it. I'm so embarrassed right now at the thought of how confidently I was explaining this to her.


Colleague looked at me with the kind eyes of one explaining to a toddler in a moving car that it was the car moving and not the trees. She explained that I had to wait till I was ready to eat to put the food in the microwave as it'd get warm in seconds.

Why the ground doesn't open and swallow one in moments like this, I'll never know.

3. Uber(Taxify) ride

This, I'm most ashamed of.

So when a worker has to go to a work-related event, the person uses e-hailing services (one of them Uber or Taxify) to and fro. Bills on the office of course. Prior to ever having a work related ride, I had downloaded the app and gotten used to how it works. I hate embarrassment, it just doesn't hate me as much.

With work, 'travelling' to the Island from the mainland and majorly work, I had to use Uber/Taxify a couple of times. It was no biggie till I hurried out the gate one afternoon and couldn't find the Uber(or Taxify can't remember which) guy who just called a minute earlier to say he was outside. One hand adjusting my shirt and the other on the phone, I got through to the guy, 'Where are you Sir? I'm late.' He insisted he was parked right outside the house and that's when I really saw him, a flashy jeep parked where he said it was. I had seen it earlier but didn't think it could be my ride. Aye mi o. My office people have made a mistake and gotten a very expensive ride for me. Do they even know? Will they be angry if I don't point out the error to them? What to do?

Worried, I asked the middle age driver what model the car was and texted it to my direct boss immediately. She all but chuckled and just told me to tell her when I get to  my destination.

It wasn't until later that I realised pink, yellow, big, small, young or old driver, Uber is Uber. Imagine my shame when I think of what my boss would have thought of me sending her the kind of car I was in when it was on her phone the whole time. She booked the ride! She most probably thought, 'which village did this one come from?' or maybe she thought I thought I was being kidnapped. Whichever way, not good.

1. How did you enjoy this read? Share your most embarrassing moment(s) too. I can't be in this alone!